Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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