Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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