when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
