Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
