you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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