theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
