Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
