Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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