then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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