Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
