Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
