Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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