Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
