I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
