I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
