sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
