update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
