You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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