I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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