The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
