Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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