3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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