i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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