Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
