my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
