I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
