Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
