I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Operation Purity has been aborted
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just found a bag of teeth...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
