I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
