I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The uberlube is also flammable
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
