4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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