his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
