I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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