at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
