My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
