if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
