ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
