Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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