cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
