Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
