billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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