So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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