I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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