i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
