Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
