so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
