i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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