If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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