If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Alive.
So much puke
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
