Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
