Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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