she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
