yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
