I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
