i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
