Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
